Wednesday, July 28, 2004

If you drive a Hummer...I salute you.

Salute you with the middle finger, that is.  I've been doing this for almost a year now.  Anytime I see someone driving a Hummer, I give them the middle finger.  I don't care if I'm sitting in traffic, standing on the sidewalk, or walking through the Albertson's parking lot--that happened this week--I'm flipping them the bird.  It might sound harsh, but fuck them.  After all, that's what they've basically said to us. 
Fuck you.  Fuck you if you're trying to turn right, but can't see any oncoming traffic because of me.  Fuck you if you have to go fight a war to make sure I'll have plenty of gas in my car.  Fuck you if you can't see while you're pulling out of your parking space in the Border's parking lot.  Fuck you if we have a collision and my grill is so high that it completely misses the impact zones that are design into all cars. 
How pathetically small and shriveled up is your dick that you have to compensate by driving a military assault vehicle?  How vain and idiotic are you that you can be duped into driving a mega-SUV that has absolutely no practical value what so ever?  There are a lot of times that I hate the people in this country.  Not the country, mind you.  The people in the country.  Whenever I see a couple buying their adorable 4 year old daughter a milk shake at 9:30 in the morning---true story--, or I hear someone say something stupid like "We're at war.  We have to support the president", or when I see someone taking up 2 parking spaces because they felt the need to purchase a tank.  Do you know who you have to thank for the Hummer as a commercial vehicle?  That idiot Arnold Schwarzenegger.  That's right.  In his amazing book about SUVs, High and Mighty, Keith Bradsher tells the story that Arnie spotted a convoy of them on the highway while in Washington state filming Kindergarten Cop, and decided he wanted one.  He basically called up the company that produced them and pestered them into going into production with a civilian model.  Fuck you very much Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Fuck you.  Fuck Hummer.  And fuck anyone that drives one of those things.
Feel free to join me in my crusade.  Maybe we can all shame these idiots into trading their Hummers in and buying Mini Coopers.


Sunday, July 25, 2004

Buttermilk Biscuits

Tasha and I made buttermilk biscuits tonight.  No, that's not a sexual euphemism.  We actually made buttermilk biscuits.  From scratch.  From a recipe in GQ magazine.  They were actually pretty simple to make and they were ready in about 20 minutes.  When she went to the store to get buttermilk and baking powder, she also got breakfast sausages.  What a woman huh?  I threw those bad boys on the grill.  At first, I didn't think I was going to have enough charcoal.  Turns out there was enough to cook them.  It just took them a little longer.  While I was working the grill, she sliced up a few hardboiled eggs and some cheese.  The biscuits and the sausages were ready at just about the same time, and we served the whole enchilada with butter, honey and cherry jam.   We might have just eaten the greatest meal in the history of mankind. 

Then, we watched the most amazing Iron Chef battle I think I've ever seen.  It was the scallops battle with the challenger being some guy who uses a technique that neither one of us had heard of.  vacuum cooking.  You basically vacuum seal stuff in a plastic bag...and then boil it.  Sakai put a royal ass whooping on that dude. 
God, I love food.  If I wasn't quite so vain, I'd be a total and complete fat ass. 

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