Ladies...Damon Wayans wants to see your vagina.

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NUDITY NEEDED FOR TV SKETCH COMEDY SHOW
Reply to: job-138180412@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-03-01, 4:17PM PST


A new sketch comedy show for Showtime called "D. Underground" is looking for a few women who would be open to nudity in a sketch that will be shot in the month of March.

The sketch requires getting a direct shot of a woman’s vagina. To be specific, the role would have a woman walk onto a stage and sit on a stool with her legs open. Her face would not be shown, the camera would only show from the waist down.

THIS IS NOT PORN. THERE WOULD BE NO TOUCHING OF ANY KIND.

This would be shot in a closed set (meaning only the director and crew absolutely necessary to shoot) would be present.

We are looking for women of all ages (over 18) and ethnicities. We will be casting three women between the ages of 18 to 30 and one woman over 50.

Payment for this job would be AFTRA scale, which would be $370 for the day.

Because of the close-up camera shot this sketch requires, we need to be able to see a picture of the vagina beforehand to make sure there are no birthmarks, etc.

We understand that this may seem like a strange request. Feel free to call me with any questions (or to verify legitimacy) by calling 818-238-0215 and speaking with Sara.

Our goal to treat each woman with dignity and respect with this sensitive position.

Because the shot would be from the waist down, we don’t need a photo of your face, but we do need to see a photo of your vagina. To be considered for this role please email a tasteful photo of your vagina with a contact phone number.

We also need to cast women who can dance as strippers for another sketch. Each woman would be fully clothed, with her face showing, dancing seductively.

If you would like to be considered for this role as well please let me know in your email and include a photo of your full body (clothed, we just need to see your body shape and face).

Thank you.

* Job location is Burbank
* Compensation: $370
* no -- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* no -- Please, no phone calls about this job!
* no -- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
* no -- Reposting this message elsewhere is NOT OK.


138180412

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http://www.sho.com/site/announcements/060120underground.do


"IT'S IN LIVING COLOR ON STEROIDS!"
THIS FALL, SHOWTIME PREMIERES SKETCH COMEDY SERIES,
DAMON WAYANS' THE UNDERGROUND

LOS ANGELES (January 19, 2006) – Iconoclastic comedian Damon Wayans brings his patented brand of insightful, take-no-prisoners humor to SHOWTIME with DAMON WAYANS' THE UNDERGROUND, a half-hour sketch comedy series to premiere on the network this fall, it was announced today by Robert Greenblatt, President of Entertainment for Showtime. Currently in pre-production in Los Angeles, the series has received a 10-episode order.

Referring to the riotous, groundbreaking '90s sketch comedy show that launched careers for him, his siblings, Jim Carrey, and David Alan Grier, Wayans says of DAMON WAYANS' THE UNDERGROUND: "It's 'In Living Color' on steroids…it will be everything we weren't allowed to do on broadcast television." Dean Lorey ("My Wife and Kids") will direct Wayans and fellow writer/ensemble cast members, including Groundlings players Edi Patterson and Mikey Day ("Nick Cannon Presents Wild 'N Out"), and heir apparent, Damon Wayans Jr., among others.

"Damon Wayans is one of the most original and most versatile comic actors and writer/producers working in this business today," said Greenblatt. "He's done everything from hit films to a hit sitcom, but I know he has a very warm spot in his heart for the days of 'In Living Color,' and he intends to push the boundaries of the almost-forgotten sketch comedy genre with 'The Underground.' I'm thrilled to bring him to SHOWTIME where we will provide him the freedom to express his unique comedic voice in a way that only premium television can offer."

While the show will feature recurring sketch characters, parodies of pop culture and a new generation of sketch performers alongside Damon, it will also feature more sketches filmed outside the studio along with an eclectic mix of dance, music, and other visual arts used as interstitial moments. There may also be some fly-on-the-wall glimpses into behind-the-scenes moments showing how this show is put together and how the sketches develop, a complex and funny process that the audience will enjoy.

A middle child of the ten preternaturally comic Wayans brood, the actor/comedian gained a loyal following in the early '80s as a New York-based stand-up comic, ultimately landing a brief stint as a featured player on "Saturday Night Live." After wowing audiences with a trio of HBO specials, Wayans headed to Los Angeles to join the cast of "In Living Color," the Emmy® Award-winning show created by elder brother, Keenen Ivory Wayans. His writing and portrayal of over-the-top characters like "Homey the Clown" and film critic "Blaine Edwards" thrilled audiences, spawned catchphrases ("Homey don't play dat!," "Hated it!") and earned him two Emmy® nominations. For five seasons, Wayans headlined the successful ABC sitcom, "My Wife and Kids," currently in syndication. In addition to television roles, Wayans has starred in several feature films, including Spike Lee's Bamboozled, Marci X, and Mo' Money. In 1999, he penned a best-selling novel, Bootleg.

March 1, 2006

Video Shows Bush Was Warned Before Katrina

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

WASHINGTON (AP) -- In dramatic and sometimes agonizing terms, federal disaster officials warned President Bush and his homeland security chief before Hurricane Katrina struck that the storm could breach levees, put lives at risk in New Orleans' Superdome and overwhelm rescuers, according to confidential video footage.

Bush didn't ask a single question during the final briefing before Katrina struck on Aug. 29, but he assured soon-to-be-battered state officials: "We are fully prepared."

The footage -- along with seven days of transcripts of briefings obtained by The Associated Press -- show in excruciating detail that while federal officials anticipated the tragedy that unfolded in New Orleans and elsewhere along the Gulf Coast, they were fatally slow to realize they had not mustered enough resources to deal with the unprecedented disaster.

Linked by secure video, Bush's confidence on Aug. 28 starkly contrasts with the dire warnings his disaster chief and a cacophony of federal, state and local officials provided during the four days before the storm.

A top hurricane expert voiced "grave concerns" about the levees and then-Federal Emergency Management Agency chief Michael Brown told the president and Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff that he feared there weren't enough disaster teams to help evacuees at the Superdome.

"I'm concerned about ... their ability to respond to a catastrophe within a catastrophe," Brown told his bosses the afternoon before Katrina made landfall.

Some of the footage and transcripts from briefings Aug. 25-31 conflicts with the defenses that federal, state and local officials have made in trying to deflect blame and minimize the political fallout from the failed Katrina response:

--Homeland Security officials have said the "fog of war" blinded them early on to the magnitude of the disaster. But the video and transcripts show federal and local officials discussed threats clearly, reviewed long-made plans and understood Katrina would wreak devastation of historic proportions. "I'm sure it will be the top 10 or 15 when all is said and done," National Hurricane Center's Max Mayfield warned the day Katrina lashed the Gulf Coast.

"I don't buy the `fog of war' defense," Brown told the AP in an interview Wednesday. "It was a fog of bureaucracy."

--Bush declared four days after the storm, "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees" that gushed deadly flood waters into New Orleans. But the transcripts and video show there was plenty of talk about that possibility -- and Bush was worried too.

White House deputy chief of staff Joe Hagin, Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco and Brown discussed fears of a levee breach the day the storm hit.

"I talked to the president twice today, once in Crawford and then again on Air Force One," Brown said. "He's obviously watching the television a lot, and he had some questions about the Dome, he's asking questions about reports of breaches."

--Louisiana officials angrily blamed the federal government for not being prepared but the transcripts shows they were still praising FEMA as the storm roared toward the Gulf Coast and even two days afterward. "I think a lot of the planning FEMA has done with us the past year has really paid off," Col. Jeff Smith, Louisiana's emergency preparedness deputy director, said during the Aug. 28 briefing.

It wasn't long before Smith and other state officials sounded overwhelmed.

"We appreciate everything that you all are doing for us, and all I would ask is that you realize that what's going on and the sense of urgency needs to be ratcheted up," Smith said Aug. 30.

Mississippi begged for more attention in that same briefing.

"We know that there are tens or hundreds of thousands of people in Louisiana that need to be rescued, but we would just ask you, we desperately need to get our share of assets because we'll have people dying -- not because of water coming up, but because we can't get them medical treatment in our affected counties," said a Mississippi state official whose name was not mentioned on the tape.

Video footage of the Aug. 28 briefing, the final one before Katrina struck, showed an intense Brown voicing concerns from the government's disaster operation center and imploring colleagues to do whatever was necessary to help victims.

"We're going to need everything that we can possibly muster, not only in this state and in the region, but the nation, to respond to this event," Brown warned. He called the storm "a bad one, a big one" and implored federal agencies to cut through red tape to help people, bending rules if necessary.

"Go ahead and do it," Brown said. "I'll figure out some way to justify it. ... Just let them yell at me."

Bush appeared from a narrow, windowless room at his vacation ranch in Texas, with his elbows on a table. Hagin was sitting alongside him. Neither asked questions in the Aug. 28 briefing.

"I want to assure the folks at the state level that we are fully prepared to not only help you during the storm, but we will move in whatever resources and assets we have at our disposal after the storm," the president said.

A relaxed Chertoff, sporting a polo shirt, weighed in from Washington at Homeland Security's operations center. He would later fly to Atlanta, outside of Katrina's reach, for a bird flu event.

One snippet captures a missed opportunity on Aug. 28 for the government to have dispatched active-duty military troops to the region to augment the National Guard.

Chertoff: "Are there any DOD assets that might be available? Have we reached out to them?"

Brown: "We have DOD assets over here at EOC (emergency operations center). They are fully engaged. And we are having those discussions with them now."

Chertoff: "Good job."

In fact, active duty troops weren't dispatched until days after the storm. And many states' National Guards had yet to be deployed to the region despite offers of assistance, and it took days before the Pentagon deployed active-duty personnel to help overwhelmed Guardsmen.

The National Hurricane Center's Mayfield told the final briefing before Katrina struck that storm models predicted minimal flooding inside New Orleans during the hurricane but he expressed concerns that counterclockwise winds and storm surges afterward could cause the levees at Lake Pontchartrain to be overrun.

"I don't think any model can tell you with any confidence right now whether the levees will be topped or not but that is obviously a very, very grave concern," Mayfield told the briefing.

Other officials expressed concerns about the large number of New Orleans residents who had not evacuated.

"They're not taking patients out of hospitals, taking prisoners out of prisons and they're leaving hotels open in downtown New Orleans. So I'm very concerned about that," Brown said.

Despite the concerns, it ultimately took days for search and rescue teams to reach some hospitals and nursing homes.

Brown also told colleagues one of his top concerns was whether evacuees who went to the New Orleans Superdome -- which became a symbol of the failed Katrina response -- would be safe and have adequate medical care.

"The Superdome is about 12 feet below sea level.... I don't know whether the roof is designed to stand, withstand a Category Five hurricane," he said.

Brown also wanted to know whether there were enough federal medical teams in place to treat evacuees and the dead in the Superdome.

"Not to be (missing) kind of gross here," Brown interjected, "but I'm concerned" about the medical and mortuary resources "and their ability to respond to a catastrophe within a catastrophe."

------

Associated Press writers Ron Fournier and Lara Jakes Jordan contributed to this story.

On the Net:

Homeland Security Department: http://www.dhs.gov

Federal Emergency Management Agency: http://www.fema.gov

It's coming...it's coming...it's coming...it's here!!!!

In 7 days my book is officially released. Its 12:18 AM on February 28, 2006; two days after my 33^rd birthday. Last of the early 30s. After this one I’ll officially be mid-thirties. I’m not having a crisis or anything about it. I’m just saying.

I’m a little high. OK right after I typed that, I got that head rush that makes you admit that you’re more than just a little high. I think I’m going to go get a little drunk. I have two sitcom scripts to finish. I have three letters to write. For some reason I just can’t get myself to focus on the tasks at hand. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that this damn book is actually going to be in stores. Thanks to Amazon.com and a few apparently over zealous Barnes and Nobles, quite a few people have already let me know that they already have their hands on it. It’s out there. Now the task is busting my ass to try and make this thing successful. I’ve already gotten some pretty good press, USA Today ran a piece that was picked up Associated Press style by a bunch of smaller papers. They called the book a “flip but frank take on pop culture and race relations.” Newsday quoted the piece in this story.

And the Hartford Courant was pretty complimentary: “There is plenty of astute commentary on the state of race relations in America tucked into this very funny book. Don't laugh so hard that you miss the serious points he is making.” Maureen at Kensington has already scheduled a ton of radio interviews on shows like NPR’s News & Notes with Ed Gordon and The Air America Network’s “Harrison on the Edge.” Tally ho!

The other night—for the first time, actually—I crunched the numbers to see how many copies I have to sell before Kensington makes back their advance and I start seeing royalties. It’s actually not as much as I would have thought. For a few minutes, I entertained the notion of this book as a money making venture; something I’ve been able to keep out of my mind pretty easily during this entire process. Of course, there were nights when I lay in bed and imagined myself on Oprah with my wife, mother-in-law, grandmother and sister sitting on the front row dressed for the day time Emmy awards. And, I have to admit that I do have my entire appearance on The Daily Show scripted in my head. But all along I’ve mostly thought about this as a launching pad. A stepping stone to other things that might actually allow me to make a living with comedy.

So I have a new favorite show. Not really. The Wire is my favorite show of all time and far and away the best thing on television. When the new season starts I’m going to unleash the full power and fury of my technological capabilities on downloading the entire reason and watching them all in a one day marathon. What’s amazing is that I could pull that off easily and my setup isn’t even that hi-tech. That’s how easy this stuff is. Concerned about me pirating from HBO? Don’t be. I pay for HBO every month and I’ll watch the episodes when they air on TV too. That’s how I roll with The Wire.

So I don’t really have a new favorite show. I have a new show that I really like. It’s called The Thirsty Traveler on the Fine Living Network. The host, Kevin Brauch officially has the best job in the world. Here’s the show, he travels all over the world tasting that country’s alcohol. That’s it. That’s the show. I’d watch that regardless. But it’s even better because it’s well-produced and Brauch actually knows his shit. If I’m ever in Northern Scandinavia, I’d love to get my hands on some Aquavit.

Haven't we evolved beyond this?

Fernando Vargas reacts after losing to Shane Mosley during their junior middleweight boxing match at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas on Saturday, Feb. 25, 2006. The fight was called by referee Joe Cortez due to swelling on Vargas's left eye.
(AP Photo/Eric Jamison)