The 10 best shows on television.

Criteria:

All shows must still be on the air, though not necessarily in production at this moment. If it hasn’t been cancelled yet, it’s in the running. I make no distinction between time of day, cable or network, or genre. Good television is good television no matter what channel it’s on or how long the show lasts.

Obviously, I haven’t seen every show on television. Anyone making that claim is a liar. But I watch a lot of TV, and I always make an effort to catch most of the shows that “everyone is talking about.” Here goes.

#10 The Oprah Winfrey Show

I’m a heterosexual male and I was completely unafraid to type those words. There’s a reason why she’s been on top for so long. She’s the best to ever do it. She has an uncanny ability to come off the screen and make you like her. It’s a gift that maybe only a handful of talk shows hosts have ever had and she has it in spades. We’re talking about a black female talk show host who became the most powerfully person in the publishing industry! And she didn’t do it by writing books. She didn’t do it by publishing books. She did it by simply recommending books. She introduced a fat, bald, belligerent moron and told America to take his advice…and they did. Then she told them to watch his show…and they did. That’s power.

#9 Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Yes, I’m sure I’m straight. The heat has died down for the fab five, but the fact remains this is a damn good show. You can keep your race around the world, cow brain eating, match making, and match faking shows. I like my reality shows a little less in your face, and a little more feel good. The show works on so many different levels. 1. They’re all good at what they do. (Except Jai who doesn’t really do anything.) 2. They actually help people. People’s lives are better when they’re done. 3. They are damn entertaining to watch. Carson’s silly ass would make a better daytime talk show host than everyone on TV right now except the aforementioned Ms. Winfrey.

#8 Everybody Loves Raymond

It’s not re-inventing the wheel, but neither is most stuff on television. Very well written. Very well acted. And not nearly as generic as people make it out to be. This is a show that featured a middle-aged woman doing a sculpture of what appeared to be a giant vagina. I can understand people who say that Ray Romano rubs them the wrong way, but I’m not in that camp.

#7 Pardon the Interruption

Have you ever asked yourself why every sports show features 2 or 3 talking heads yelling at each other now? They’re all trying to duplicate Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon and failing miserably. Both have been columnist with the Washington Post for years and covering sports for even longer. They know what they’re talking about and it shows. And they actually exhibit some journalistic standards, which is rare in sports broadcasting. You can throw two people on a set and hope they have some chemistry, but these guys have already been friends for years. PTI also features the best on screen advance since the first down line in football games. They put the show’s rundown on the screen so you can see what they’re going to be talking about, and when.

#6 Scrubs

Hipper than Everybody Loves Raymond. Funnier than Arrested Development. So many sitcoms can be put into a category. Put down humor a la Just Shoot Me, quirky irreverent humor a la Malcolm in the Middle, or everything works out in the end stuff like Raymond. Not many can do it all at once and pull it off. Written with just the right blends of humor. Acting with just the right pitch. And absolutely refusing to take itself seriously. Except when they get sentimental at the end of the episode. But the whole thing is done so well, you don’t hold that against them at all.

#5 The Sopranos

Just when you thought you’d had enough of the mob story, along come Tony and the gang.
Still incredibly compelling. Still well acted. Still well written. One of the greatest feats in the history of television is David Chase and James Gandolfini creating a violent, racist, sexist, homophobic crime boss…and making all of American root for him. It’s definitely slipped a bit. They seem to be postponing the inevitable crash at the end of this race. But it’s still an amazing show.

#4 Curb Your Enthusiasm

Larry David sits very high on the TV comedy totem pole. (Although my wife, who’s Native American, once explained that the height of a figure on a totem pole doesn’t necessarily reflect their stature. But I digress.) The semi-improvisational tone of the dialogue gives the show a spontaneity that no other scripted show on television can match. People always focus on the many moments where Larry’s behavior makes you cringe, but just as often it makes you laugh out loud. Mistaking a baptism for a drowning and “saving” the guy? Priceless. Picking up a prostitute so that he can use the car pool lane? Priceless. Who knew that an all George Costanza show would be this funny?

#3 Chappelle’s Show

Chappelle and Brennan are the Mick Jagger and Keith Richards of the comedy world. In season one, they blasted out of the gate with a show that managed to be irreverent, scatological and smart all in the same show. And almost always funny. The “Clayton Bigsby” sketch is on the same level of Eddie Murphy’s famous “White Like Me” sketch from SNL. In season two, they settled into their comfort zone; secure in the fact that their fan base would be willing to go wherever they took them. The result? Hilariously absurd pieces like Rick James. I can’t even imagine how wild and weird season three will be.

#2 The Daily Show

In today’s pop culture, very few things live up to the hype. The Daily Show is one of the rare exceptions. Very smart and very funny is a damn tough combination to pull off. These guys do it four days a week with the news of the day. Impressive. If the folks over at Saturday Night Live had half a brain, they would be busy trying to steal some of their writers to rescue the perpetually moribund Weekend Update.

#1 The Wire

There isn’t even a close second. Not since Hill Street Blues has there been a more progressive police drama. Acting that’s nuanced yet, extremely raw and real. Writing that sounds sharp and true without being trite. Characters that refuse to be stereotyped. Storylines that demand twice as much attention as the next best drama but rewards the viewer for doing so. The Wire forces you to pay rapt attention to every second of every show. Each season unfolds carefully like a good novel. It should, since they have award-winning writers like George Pelecanos, Richard Price, and Dennis Lehane working on the show. It’s too bad that most television viewers confuse mouthy and snappy dialogue with good dialogue. Hence the perpetually fawning over The West Wing. Five years ago, and HBO drama broke new ground on television. The Wire blew past The Sopranos in its first season, and hasn’t looked back.

Citizens of Los Angeles. Good News.

LAPD Plan to Curb Flashlight Beatings

LOS ANGELES - The city's police commission unveiled a plan Tuesday aimed at discouraging officers from using flashlights as weapons, except in emergencies.

The proposal comes months after a telvised beating by Officer John Hatfield showed him striking a motorist 11 times following a foot chase. The June 23 incident sparked widespread objection to the use of flashlights as weapons.

"Officers don't mind being held accountable as long as they have a clear policy to follow, and that's what we're providing here," said Alan Skobin, vice president of the police commission.

The proposed policy, to be considered Jan. 11, stops short of the near-total bans on practice enacted in other large cities. It states that flashlights should only be used for light and should only be used as a weapon in very unusual circumstances.

The proposal seems to permit officers to use flashlights to stop violent suspects, said Bob Baker, president of the Police Protective League, the Los Angeles Police Department officers' union.

"We support policies that, at the end of the watch, mean we are going home safe," Baker said.

Ricardo Garcia, criminal justice director of the American Civil Liberties Union (news - web sites) of Southern California, said the proposal was a good start.

"But I'd like to see them move away from even this permissive a use of flashlight," Garcia said. "On the positive side, at least this will give officers some training on how if they're going to strike with a flashlight to do it. Before this, they could pretty much do anything."

At the time of the Miller incident, the LAPD (news - web sites) had no formal policy on proper use of a flashlight to subdue a suspect.

After the beating, Chief William J. Bratton said he would forbid the use of heavy metal flashlights like the one used by Hatfield. Bratton said the department would develop small, lightweight rubber flashlights, which it is still in the process of doing.

The new proposal would require a written explanation and critical review whenever a flashlight is used as a weapon.

Where to?

It’s been a rough few days over here in casa de Adams. There’s a TV show gearing up that I thought I’d be perfect for. No. I knew I’d be perfect for. I became acquaintances with the creator quite a while back, but lost touch with him over the past few years. I’d hoped to be able to get a spec that I wrote of the show in his hands before they made their decisions. It seems as if I’m too late.

The thing that frustrates me is that I know this persons point of view extremely well. The main reason is that he’s someone who thinks like I think on a lot of issues. Race, politics, music, etc. I also know the characters like the back of my hand. I honestly thought that this might be the thing to get me—and eventually, us—back to LA Now, it looks like I’ll have to cross my fingers and hope for a big fat advance for my book.

People keep asking us where we’re headed after Tucson, and we honestly have no idea. We’d both love to live in New York while we still have a little bit of party left in us, but we can’t even afford to live poorly in NYC right now. It’s frustrating because, creatively, it’s perfect for the both of us. A fiction writer/magazine writer and a comedian/non-fiction writer in NY sounds like a dream come true. The problem is that we need to really start getting a handle on things financially. Especially since we’re both ready to start banging out a few little Adamses.

We both love San Francisco, and Tasha has family there, but Frisco is just about as expensive as NY. And if I’m going to pay NY prices, you bet your sweet ass I’m going to live in NY. Or Tokyo.

LA seems like the obvious choice. We both have some professional connections there. We both have friends still there. I have some family there, and we’d be within driving distance of some of her family. Also, I want to beat LA. When we moved to Tucson, part of me felt like I was leaving LA with my tail between my legs. I made some progress in the comedy world there, but I didn’t accomplish nearly what I wanted to. Getting your foot in the door is almost worse than not gaining entry at all. It’s one thing to not be able to get a manager, but it’s worse having a manger tell you that, “You’re funny, you’re likable, you’re a really good joke writer. I just don’t know what we could do with you.” Someone actually told me that. And this was someone who’d had a client bomb at the Montreal Comedy Festival… and still was able to get a development deal. Imagine what he could do with someone who’s actually funny!

As much as the chance to live in NY excites me, I still want another crack at LA.