Wednesday, July 28, 2004

If you drive a Hummer...I salute you.

Salute you with the middle finger, that is.  I've been doing this for almost a year now.  Anytime I see someone driving a Hummer, I give them the middle finger.  I don't care if I'm sitting in traffic, standing on the sidewalk, or walking through the Albertson's parking lot--that happened this week--I'm flipping them the bird.  It might sound harsh, but fuck them.  After all, that's what they've basically said to us. 
Fuck you.  Fuck you if you're trying to turn right, but can't see any oncoming traffic because of me.  Fuck you if you have to go fight a war to make sure I'll have plenty of gas in my car.  Fuck you if you can't see while you're pulling out of your parking space in the Border's parking lot.  Fuck you if we have a collision and my grill is so high that it completely misses the impact zones that are design into all cars. 
How pathetically small and shriveled up is your dick that you have to compensate by driving a military assault vehicle?  How vain and idiotic are you that you can be duped into driving a mega-SUV that has absolutely no practical value what so ever?  There are a lot of times that I hate the people in this country.  Not the country, mind you.  The people in the country.  Whenever I see a couple buying their adorable 4 year old daughter a milk shake at 9:30 in the morning---true story--, or I hear someone say something stupid like "We're at war.  We have to support the president", or when I see someone taking up 2 parking spaces because they felt the need to purchase a tank.  Do you know who you have to thank for the Hummer as a commercial vehicle?  That idiot Arnold Schwarzenegger.  That's right.  In his amazing book about SUVs, High and Mighty, Keith Bradsher tells the story that Arnie spotted a convoy of them on the highway while in Washington state filming Kindergarten Cop, and decided he wanted one.  He basically called up the company that produced them and pestered them into going into production with a civilian model.  Fuck you very much Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Fuck you.  Fuck Hummer.  And fuck anyone that drives one of those things.
Feel free to join me in my crusade.  Maybe we can all shame these idiots into trading their Hummers in and buying Mini Coopers.


 

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sir,
First of all, I do not own a Hummer and never will because they are rediculous. I just thought that you need a different perspective on your veiws. Hummers and big SUV's are made for big families. If someone is a idiot and thinks that they need them to be cool so be it. You should not let it upset you that you look out of your drivers window to try and turn right and all you see is the bottom of the passengers door on a hummer just creep up ahead of them and if you cannot go safely just wait. Waiting for a light to change green is not a big deal. About the parking lot thing nobody cares that you are unable to be smart enough to figure out how you should be getting out. Sir, I drive a 98 camaro i cannot see threw a damn minivan. But some how I can manage to get threw my day without being all stressed out over something so small. O'yea if it makes you feel any better i am only 19. If you would be so kind as to responde to me and tell me what you thought of my responce it would be greatly appreciated. Email me at ismenick@yahoo.com. O'yea if I offended you in any way please let me know because that was not my intention. I have no clue how to do this so it will come up as anonymous but the name and email are correct.
Thank you for your time,
Nick
P.S. is what the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

10:46 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Nick Adams!!
You are the first man who hates Hummers!! Rest of us, adore such huge vehicles.
But I really like your point of view.
As for me, Hummers are not daily cars. You can hire it, especially Hummer limo once in 5 years, for your prom or wedding, that is enough.
Hummers are too expensive, not each of us can keep a car properly tuned up.

5:02 AM  

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